You’re All a Bunch of Hypocrites!

Myself included.

There seems to be so much judgement going around lately, I can feel myself becoming desensitized to it. If we’ve got a scoop on someone; if we’ve got evidence of their imperfections, we relish with evil glee in sharing it with the world.It is even more fun to contrast what someone says, with what they do. Because, of course, we are not guilty of having done that very thing ourselves in the past, and thus it is delightfully rare to find such a specimen who does so.

My frustration derives from the observation that, those who throw around the word “Hypocrite” most frequently, usually do not hold themselves to the same, (or even a different) standard, yet take it into their hands to deem one as not respectable, a “douche-bag”; and to twist the accountability card, claiming the individual in question to have said one thing, and then to have done the opposite.

My question is, who hasn’t?

Who hasn’t run into work or class late, apologizing to the glaring boss or instructor saying ” I’m sorry, it won’t happen again!” but then ended up being late again sometime down the road?

Who hasn’t said ” I don’t really drink”, then had a rough day and downed much more than they should have?

Who hasn’t said “I’ll call you!” and not done so?

Who hasn’t said “Picking your nose is gross!” then waited until they were alone to do that very thing?

Who hasn’t said “I’m religious” or ” I believe in _____” and NOT broken at least ONE rule of said religion/belief?

If you have never been guilty of any such thing, I applaud and admire you.

Now, Have you ever called someone else a hypocrite? Why?

If I have a friend in the church, who I know to have the same beliefs as myself, and hear that she is doing something contrary to these beliefs, should I, as one who knows and understands her beliefs, talk to her and confront her about these things?
Yeah, probably.
The Church for me, is a place full of other broken people, lifting up and encouraging each other, because we know no one is perfect. We know everyone falls; we know everyone makes mistakes. But because we are on an equal playing field, we can hold each other accountable.

When I hear someone say “They’re a Hypocrite!”, I can’t help but think, who are you to determine that? How can you hold someone accountable to their supposed beliefs, when there is seemingly none in which you yourself are to be held accountable?

I get it –

We just want to believe in people. We want to trust that, when they say they do or do not do something, they mean it.

However, instead of turning into gossips, can’t we just talk to that “hypocrite”? Can’t we lovingly say. “Hey, I don’t mean to sound judgmental, but I thought you said you didn’t drink?” Maybe we would learn something we didn’t know before. Maybe we’d find out we had actually heard wrong. Maybe they would say it’s none of our +#$% business.
But I think attempting to understand, is a better way to love people than to smack a label on them and shove them aside.

Wouldn’t you agree?

Or no?

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The Problem with No Problem

Most of us grow up having drilled into our heads the words “please”, and “thank you”. We were reminded or scolded should these important words not be heard from our lips in the appropriate situation. While some traditions change over time, it seems the concept of manners and certain etiquette are still socially accepted and taught. We learn other things as well, like the valuable lesson from Thumper, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all”, and the idea that a compliment and/or a smile can brighten someone’s day. We learn the importance of generosity, patience, and kindness. We learn that it feels good to help someone. We learn so much as to how we ought to behave, not merely because it is what we are told to do, but because it feels good to do so.
I say “we” a lot.
I wish this was the case. I wish some of these values and manners and such, were woven into our very beings. Sadly, some of us are painfully aware of how far from the truth this is. We see fellows cursing in front of young children; angry customers reaming out the cashier-in-training; people ignoring the shopper who dropped his/her groceries on the pavement; people sneering and loudly vocalizing opinions on raising a child when they come across one having a fit. We live in a world of a superior “Me“; We can say whatever we dang well please; we yell and demand and have come to realize that half of the continent is completely incompetent.
We are inherently self-centered, selfish beings. Even the compliments we give aren’t accredited to the person we are complimenting, but rather, our own stamp of approval. “ I love your shirt!”
Jumping back to the “thank you” thing too; it seems “you’re welcome” has been replaced with “No problem”.  (or “Yup”,; “You betcha”). The problem with “No problem”? It kind of translates to, “It’s okay, you didn’t inconvenience me“. Maybe that works in some situations, but perhaps not all. I am terribly guilty of this; at work especially, where I frequently reply to thank you with “Yup!” Perhaps it is a cultural thing, but lets not completely butcher the English language. ( We’ll save that for social media ;))
Let’s try to be good people; to say please and thank you and you’re welcome. Let us be slow to anger, slow to judge, quick to help out. And may we do things not because it is expected of us, but – as mentioned previously – because it feels good and right to do so.

I’m Not Boring… Am I?

20141101_004949editBetween work and school, my husband and I don’t get a lot of social time. It’s just a hectic season I guess. On top of all the assignments, studying, driving back and forth (we share one vehicle, which often seems unfathomable by others living in this money-town) and attempts at cooking, we are really just too tired to do much else in any free time available, except eat as we watch reruns of Friends.
So, when we received an invite to a friend’s party, and one that we both were actually able to go to, we were quite excited. The dork in me declared, “We are gonna get our social on!” Friday came, we suited up and were on our way.
Thankfully, the evening started with an ice breaker. (The one where you ask questions to figure out the name of the sticker on your back.) It’s a huge deal for me just to go up to someone and start talking; I have these shy tendencies that I unfortunately never grew out of. So the game was a good excuse to approach people at random.

This was short-lived though, and I was soon stuck to my own devices to navigate this unfamiliar social phenomenon called conversation. I tried my darndest to listen intently; I tried to ask questions. But everything I said just sounded so… awkward. At least to me, anyways. And then, a topic came up that was completely out of my realm of expertise ( and it seems most things are), and I’m still trying to be a good listener. Trying too hard – because suddenly, I am acutely aware of my facial expressions, and then like dominoes down a hill, so goes my attention…
What do I do with my arms? Down? Crossed? No, not crossed… I need a cup to hold onto…
Do I look in their eyes? Or their face? What’s less creepy?
Oh no, I think I’m doing that Muppet-smile again…

Part way through the evening, I was talking with a fellow, and upon learning I had lived in the area for a very long time, he asked what I like to do for fun.
For fun?
“I…”
I was stumped.
“I… don’t know” I finally replied, and tried to shrug it off with (what I hoped was) a charming smile. ” Guess I’m not a very good one to answer that!” I could have ended there; better yet, I wish I had come up with something like, hang out with friends, travel, bake; just anything but what I said next, which was,
“I guess I’m kind of a homebody.”
What the what??

I don’t think I’ve ever identified myself as a homebody before. While it may be true that I spend a lot of evenings at home, it is not because I Like to be alone, I just… there’s just… I don’t know…
I’ve been dwelling on this conversation all weekend. Am I a homebody? Why don’t I have any hobbies currently? What am I doing with my life???
Am I …
B o r i n g ? ?

All this makes me thankful for mini-communities. Places with familiar faces, where everyone shares at least one thing in common, and if you wish, you can discuss (at length) that one common thing. Like, at school, at work, family, even at Church. These places make me feel accepted; they make me feel like I’m not completely socially inept.
It is absurd that a conversation or two left me feeling so self-conscious. The following day I had even considered making up a list of small-talk questions, and filling out answers for myself, so that future conversations and questions wouldn’t leave me so stumped and awkward.
Twenty-six years old, and I’m still learning how to be an adult.

Oh well.

I think I’m going to go make that list now.
Good night!