There Might be Plenty of Fish in the Sea, but I Really Like the One Next to Me

I came across this post today.  It is a very interesting read. I’m glad to be done with the dating scene. Our marriage is not perfect, but we learn as we go. And I find that every day, I really do love my husband more and more.However, I also find that any restlessness or bitterness I might feel, in part, comes from too much social media; comparing myself to others and seeing what I don’t have instead of counting the blessings I do have.

Life is too short to be a grumpy cat. Turn off the social media, smile lots and be thankful.


Anxiousness and Thankfulness

It actually appears to be a pleasant autumn day; something this city has not seen for weeks. ( Or so it seems!)
For a time, there seemed to be a shortage of large, warm sweaters, thick socks; even hot water! The chill in my bones sunk in deep and bitterly; and more often than not, I felt like a walking popsicle, unable to keep the shiver off my spine.
Maybe it is my poor blood circulation. Maybe it’s a wicked case of ‘small veins’. The latter causing my most recent dental experience to be almost unpleasant…
In Canada, it is Thanksgiving weekend. A time most of us might gather with loved ones, and eat turkey, and pie, and wine, and be grateful for warmth and love, and hopefully, an abundance of other things as well.
A perfect time for one to get their wisdom teeth pulled. (*sarcasm*). Admittedly, 30 hours after the removal, I do feel better than I anticipated. (Perhaps it is the three different kinds of medication they gave me..?)
I had decided to go with the IV sedation for the procedure. I thought this was to mean “going under”, and, having seen some ridiculous YouTube clips of people post-operation, I hoped my Mom would keep the camera out of my face.
They tied a rubber elastic uncomfortably tight around my forearm, and jabbed the bend of my elbow several times with the needle. Alas, it appeared my chilled arm had no veins!
A warm cloth, some arm rubbing, and a new location by my wrist, finally brought forth a vein in which I could be sedated.
But again, it was not the, “Now, count backwards from 10” or such, that I had anticipated. Some pills before the IV, and some freezing in the mouth, and they dove in, as I lay there, quite conscious.
It was quick.
It was not horrific. Or traumatic.
In, then out. With my face half full of gauze, an icepack, and a bag of medication, my Mom and I headed out of the office.

Sometimes I wonder: Does anxiety worsen with age?
I find now, seemingly in recent years, I have greater difficulty in just “accepting” whatever it is that is going to happen. I expect things. I anticipate things, and usually unpleasant things.
And perhaps, that is exactly what I was doing as I lay there, yesterday morning, with my arm being jabbed, and my leg vibrating uncontrollably. (Spasm-y leg shaking seems to be a nervous habit of mine. ) I wasn’t consciously expecting something to go terribly wrong, but perhaps somewhere deep down inside of me, something was beginning to bubble up; something awakening that old anxiety feeling…
I hate waiting.
I hate anticipating something that is not of the pleasant persuasion.
Maybe I also hate anticipating something that IS pleasant. Because, what if it is suddenly not to be?
What if my hopes are dashed, and my desires crushed?

I find lately, I have put too much thought and energy into what MIGHT be. Living for a tomorrow I was never promised; instead of the ‘now’, that I know I have.
I really feel God gave me peace this week.  Peace with the things I cannot change; peace with the happenings of right now; peace and gratitude for the blessings I have.
I don’t know if I am right or wrong in this, but I feel that Christ ‘speaks’ to us in different ways; Maybe through faint whisperings in our heart and mind; maybe through other people; maybe through signs. I feel, that for myself personally, he sometimes uses signs.
Maybe this is silly. Signs are such a tricky thing; it is much too easy to manipulate signs or pictures or circumstances, to what we want to believe…
I apologize if this is terribly vague.
However something I saw recently, a 2nd curious coincidence, had reminded me that it is good to hope, but that one should not live a life of anxiousness or dread of that hope never coming to be.
We do live for something greater. We are also given Today, and that is quite a blessing in itself, is it not?
I sit here, icepack by my side, jaw a little sore, and the chair feeling a little sideways, but I have lots to be thankful for:
~ for friends and family that love and care for me
~ for a wonderful husband
~ For a God that loves me, and provides for me, and protects me,  and answers my unspoken prayers
~ for a warm house, and a place to lay my head
~ for medication! To make this recovering easier

It’s okay that my thanksgiving dinner is limited to mashed potatoes, or that I will have to keep my paws away from the wine. Because today, I Am Blessed.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

On a somewhat-unrelated note, I think I will attempt to make this Pumpkin Pecan Pie tomorrow! ( Even though I will probably only be able to eat the filling…)
Happy Thanksgiving! 🙂

*Spiritual High!* Then it Dies…

Thud – thud – thud – thud – thud – thud – thud.
The bass is cranked up. Drums playing so loud, your adrenalin starts to race. Pounding in your ears, your chest. Life, right now. Tens of thousands of people clapping, dancing, chanting, pumping their fists:
“Yes Lord! Yes Lord! Yes, Yes, Lord!”
Just thinking about it, gets my heart beating a little faster. I love concerts. Especially weekend-long gigs. Like YC, (Youth Conference) in Edmonton. Or Creation Fest in the States. It was a time to escape the normalities of life, and dive head first into a world of fellow believers; young people who seemed to be on fire for Jesus. The energy was contagious.
I have seen a few in my time. I loved dancing. I loved singing so loud my voice was hoarse the next day. There was nowhere I’d rather be.
And in between the heart-pounding concerts, would be speakers that would challenge us; Shake up our world a little bit, but also encourage. And I’m sure some of us must have been thinking, “Yes! This is what being a Christian is all about! I’m totally going to share this faith with everyone I know! My Life is totally changed! God is Awesome!”
And then we’d start jumping up and down to the next song.
The momentum could keep up like this all weekend. This… Spiritual High, I’ll call it.
And then…
It just dies.
And some cycles don’t cease with time, do they? Should they…?
There have been times, where I can come home from church on Sunday, refreshed and challenged on how I can better live for God’s kingdom. And often, I will share these ideas with my Husband.
Then Monday rolls in abruptly, scrapes me off the bed, and plunks me smack-dab in the middle of chaos. Or dullness. Either way, it seems everything from the day before is no longer relevant or even evident in my routine-programmed mind.
I hate this.
Don’t you?
It bothers and pains me to see how easy it is to get sucked back into ‘normal life’. Almost as if this chunk of our lives; family, jobs/school ( All blessed and given by God) is the main act, and Church and faith and devotions – well, that’s just kind of our go-to plan.
I guess what I’m getting at, is that I am guilty of saying ‘Yes Lord!’ with my lips, then turning around, and having my life and actions say ‘No, No, Nope!’
This may have some similarities to previous posts, but I think it’s because this idea of Kingdom Living has been placed heavily on my heart this past year.
And day by day, I’m just trying to figure out what that looks like.