Write or Wrong?

One of these days I might write something worth reading.
By that I mean, write something bigger than just a some random blog ramblings.
I’m trying to read more this summer. I’m quite terrible for putting down a half-read book, and not picking it up again until I’ve used up all my renewals. I never thought of myself as a bookworm, but I do generally enjoy reading  and trips to the library. I can sometimes peruse the shelves for up to an hour, hoping one  will be a gem.
However, occasionally I will trudge through a mediocre book, just to get to the end and confirm that it was indeed, mediocre. Or a cheesy book; a cheesy book that is predictable and cliché and ends with the happily ever after. Although the latter, I confess, I don’t mind once in a while. 20140623_150356edit
Sometimes, I get to thinking that maybe I too, could write a fiction story. I have no idea what about; maybe a drama, or a romantic comedy, or a tragedy… But in the back of my head I hear, ‘Write what you know’. And I think, what do I know? I know how to clean a car… I know retail… I know baking… My options are limited here! But is that really a thing? To write what you know?  Or perhaps that is just a jumping off point for wannabe writers…
I DO want to write more. Whether that happens on this blog, or somewhere else. Maybe I’ll give that fiction-writing some more thought.
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Until then, anyone have some good book suggestions?


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Another One Done! ~~~~~~

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Most recent journals on left; newest purchase on right.

I write a lot. Maybe it has something to do with this whole introverted business. Every few months I put my final signature squiggle at the end of that last entry;
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~, (<— Like that, although maybe not so uniform!)
and then hungrily await a new day, and a fresh new page in a fresh new journal in which to record every logical and illogical thought of mine.
But, almost as much as I enjoy writing in one, I also enjoy shopping for one. I’m not much of a shopper in the first place, (Can I even call myself a woman??) but this little quest is certainly an exception.
I am a picky one, when it comes to my journals:
They must be lined.
Preferably no coils (pages come out too easily).
No side margins.
Bigger than pocket, but not too big for purse.
And of course, I just know what I like and dislike in regards to appearance. Maybe it’s a little silly; maybe a little borderline OCD. But I intend to hold onto these journals for a while.
Who knows; maybe I will even let my future daughters read them.
Maybe.
Anyways, today I close the old journal, and tomorrow, I start afresh!

Hit the Wall

Can one lose their joy for writing almost as quickly as they had found it? Are personal deadlines or goals, in the world of writing, creativity ( and ultimately, productivity ) killers?
‘Cause I think I’ve hit the Wall…
In this blog, for the most part, I have kept the focus on faith; Anything recently learned or discovered; anything that inspires or challenges me…
No spiritual journey is a smoothly sailed one. Or, others might say, what goes up, must come down.
Often, that is me; UP down UP down UP down.
I’m trying to write an article; so far, I have a rather large portion of it completed. Now, it is just a matter of filling in the blanks, then making it really come to life. Making it enjoyable to read, interesting; something that perhaps might even encourage and inspire others!
As it stands, most of the article is as vague and dull as this following sentence:
The sky is nice.
One might ask, ‘What does that even mean?? Is it night? Is it day? Is it cloudy? Starry? Blue or pink or lavender?’
Perhaps one writes best, when with all their heart.
And maybe it’s one of those days, where my heart’s
just
not
into
it.
So then, how does one refresh their soul, and get back in the game?

Time for a walk

I want to write another blog, but what should it be about?
The strikes, the victims, or a political log; or the teapot, short and stout?
Don’t want it to be boring, or come off as overly critical.
Don’t want to vent, or rant or rave, or paint me as hypocritical.
I could write about love and beauty, and dear things that warm a soul;
Or I could write embellished tales, like sleeping in the New Year’s cold.
But the sun is warm and bright, and in its rays I wish to lie,
If only for just 5 minutes, this stuffy nose would remain dry!
The lilies bloom, the birds are chirping; how I want to join such splendor!
Wispy clouds roll lazily, in a blue sky I’ll soon be  under.
From nothing, to God’s creation, this blog poem has evolved.
That’s it, I cannot sit idly by, I want to be involved!
To smell the lilacs, touch the trees, taste the berries so wild;
Forget I’m sick, and appreciate the blessing of being God’s child.

Good Girls Keep Diaries…

“Good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don’t want any evidence”
A quote on a magnet that a friend gave to me a few years back. Judging from the pile of diaries and journals I have accumulated and filled over the years, I suppose I would be a “good girl”. And perhaps if you were to read my dozen or so journals, you might come to that conclusion too.
Or not.
Personally, I think the quote is… stupid. What I did or didn’t do, was not the determining factor in whether or not I wrote, but rather (I think, anyways), who I am. My pain, my cries; to my joy and excitement. Raw emotion, not completely hidden from the world, but only spilled in its depths to my confidante – my diary. The place where my secrets could rest, so that I could breathe and continue on with life.
I’ve written in journals since I was 9. I liked to draw, so I’m not sure how my parents  figured out that I would also enjoy writing. Perhaps it was just a fad in the 90’s; a girlish-looking diary with its own key and lock.  I even braided a necklace so that I could wear the key around my neck, or, as my mother suggested, hang it on a secret hook in my closet.
My early entries were brief, and matter-of-fact. My name, my age, favorite color, favorite animal, favorite band (Spice girls), favorite Spice Girl (Posh), a list of “boyfriends”, (it was actually a list of crushes; most of whom I was too shy to even say “Hi” to.), my excitement over summer holidays, then over school and Christmas. That evolved over time into celebrity crushes, embarrassing moments, sleepover secrets.
Then I became a Christian.
Writing didn’t cease for me, but rather, became concentrated on a new concept; devotions. I was given by my friend a notebook, and on the first page she wrote some steps I could follow in beginning this new journey. Things like, read the passage, summarize it, write down what it means to me and any other feelings and thoughts in regards to it.
Time passed by, and I wasn’t satisfied with this new structure. I hadn’t grasped the fact that Christianity is largely pursuing a relationship with Christ. I was stuck on this old idea that, it was my efforts alone in which I could become a “better” Christian; that, so long as I was ‘good’ I was on the right path. I went so far as to assume my shyness was my virtue; I did not say things I would later regret, I did not stab people in the back, and I didn’t give people reason to dislike me.
And then, teenager-ism hit me. Being good wasn’t so easy anymore. I was stressed with assignments, frustrated with teachers; I procrastinated with anything and everything possible. In rare cases, I would simply not do something altogether. I was awkward and self-conscious; my limbs suddenly giraffe-like and uncontrollable.
It just wasn’t enough for me to write about scripture anymore. At least, not in the way that I had been.
So, for a short time, I wrote in TWO journals, almost simultaneously. First, i would do my devotions in one – often with haste – then proceed to my other journal, where I would gush or vent about the happenings in my life at that time.
Talk about dual-personality disorder!
There was “good me”, then there was “emotionally charged me”.
Needless to say, I was unable to keep this up for any length of time.
Journal writing has continued to change over the years. I don’t write because “good girls” do. I generally write because I want to.
I’m kind of back to that old devotions structure. I read scripture, summarize and reflect on it. And occasionally, it might still feel like an obligation. But for the most part, I read and write to learn who God is, to learn who he has made me to be, and to just grow. All in all, I write as I am, and who I am, in that moment. A glimpse of soul captured on pages; be it content, distraught or confused.
I’m thankful for my journals. For this evidence of the girl I was, and the woman I am becoming.
Perhaps someday, something I journal or write will inspire someone else!

Beginner’s Blogging Babble

If I were to write a blog, what would it be about? What about myself would I want to share with everyone? What opinions or insights would I want to post on the world wide web? Maybe that depends on my blog readers; my audience. My audience should determine my topics, right? Or should my topics determine my audience? Or perhaps it’s both?
Since a blog is essentially a Web Log, and I, the Web Logger, I guess it would make sense to start with who I am.
24. My age that is. Not my favorite number. Or TV show, for that matter.
Hands-on. No, hands off for you, thank you. I mean, I like to work with my hands. I like arts and crafts, photo stuff; I like to bake, put things together; I like to write. And write… And write…
I am a Christian. And an introvert. So you may not see me downtown preaching on street corners anytime soon. But I do believe in one truth; that God loves the world- that God Loves US.  That Jesus died for our sins; though we are broken, selfish, and undeserving. And that he sent us the Holy Spirit, to guide us through all of our days. And out of our Love for God, we in turn dedicate our lives- our selves- to serving him and the kingdom. My faith. In a nutshell. (Now, if only it were that easy to live out my faith!)
I’m sure most of us, at one point or another, have pondered our purpose. Why am I here? What am I supposed to do? I cannot exclude myself from these ponderings, but have been thinking about them from a slightly different angle.
I have gifts. Not because I’m extra special. In fact, we all have gifts. And though lately I have taken a lifekeys course to help shine a light on what these gifts are in my life, I still find myself scratching my head, and mumbling  “Huh?”
So, my struggle as of late…
What the heck am I good at?? I’m talking way more than just enjoying something. I mean, what can I do that inspires others? How can I serve God in such a way that feels natural? In such a way that allows me to be fully who He made me to be?

And so, I continue on this quest!